Words and Music: Tommy Makum
There is no one who can tell a lie like me.
You may search until you're tired,
You won't find a bigger liar,
I've been lying since the dawn of history.
I saw Eve go picking apples off a tree,
She came over and she offered one to me.
I said, "Now look here Madam,
Go and try your luck with Adam."
And went home and had some fish and chips and tea.
I saw Delilah cutting Samson's hair,
She snipped away until his head was bare.
When he couldn't run away,
She married him next day,
And they opened up a barbershop in Clare.
I was born about a thousand years ago,
In Belmont, in the county of Mayo.
It was me who chased the vermin,
While St. Paddy preached the sermon,
And I'll whup the man who says it isn't so.
When Cromwell came to Ireland years ago,
He didn't shed a drop of Irish blood you know;
All the Irish started grievin'
When they heard that he was leavin'
If I knew a bigger lie, I'd tell you so.
T'was during World War II I met them all,
There was Rooseveldt and Churchill and DeGaulle.
One day I nearly fainted,
I was having my house painted,
There was Hilter hanging paper in the hall.