The Birthday Dirge
AKA "The Mongolian Birthday Chant" and
"The SCA Birthday Song"
Tune of : "Volga Boatmen"
Death and gloom and black despair
People dying everywhere
Happy Birthday! (UHH!) Happy Birthday! (UHH!)
Death, destruction, and despair
People dying everywhere.
Now you are the age you are
Your demise cannot be far
Fear and gloom and darkness but
No one found out YOU KNOW WHAT
May the candles on your cake
Burn like cities in your wake
You're a period cook, it's true
Ask the beetles in the stew
Burn the Castle and storm the keep
Kill the Women but SAVE THE SHEEP!
Now your jail-bait days are done
Let's go out and have some fun!
May your deeds with sheep and yaks
Equal those with sword and axe
You must marry very soon
Baby's due the next full moon
Your servants steal, your wife's untrue
Your children plot to murder you
Were I sitting in your shoes
I'd go out and sing the blues
They stole your gold, your sword, your house
They stole your sheep, but not your spouse
Tho' you're turning 29
Age to you is like fine wine
So you're 29 again
Don't tell lies to your good friend
Now you've lived another year
Age to you is like stale beer
So another year has passed
Don't look now they're gaining fast!
So you've aged another year
Now you know that Death is near.
Long ago your hair turned grey
Now it's falling out, they say
Black Death has just struck your town
You yourself feel quite run-down
It's your birthday never fear
You'll be dead this time next year
We brought linen, white as cloud
Now we'll sit and sew your shroud!
See the wrinkles on your face
Like the pattern of fine lace
So far death you have bypassed
Don't look back it's gaining fast
Indigestion's what you get
From the enemies that you 'et
I'm a leper, can't you see
Get your birthday kiss from me.
Burn, then rape by firelight
Add -romance- to life tonight.
Pay attention, you must learn
First you pillage, THEN you burn.
Children dying far and near
They say that cancer's caused by beer.
Children dying everywhere
Women crying in despair.
Typhoid, plague and polio
Coffins lined up in a row.
Long ago your hair turned gray
Now it's falling out, they say.
Birthdays come but once a year
Marking time as Death draws near.
May the children in the street
Be your barbecuing meat.
We, your friends will never tell
That your body has gone to hell.
At your age most folks go blind
You've kept your sight, but lost your mind.
While you eat your birthday stew
We will loot the town for you
We love children, yes we do
Boiled or baked or in a stew.
When you've reached this age you know
That the mind is first to go.
If there be verses we have missed
You can add them to the list.
I pray you pass your verse along
And thus improve our merry song.